A Bittersweet Pain
by Sapphira2
Summary: Extended scene from the finale, Ep. “Devil’s Eyes”, between Reese and Helena, after he followed her to the Bar, and confronted her on what she was doing to herself over Wade’s death… Re-polished and re-posted... Enjoy!
1. A BitterSweet Pain Complete Story

((( Story originally posted back 2/22/2003, but re-edited and 're-polished' on 7/26/2003… Hopefully you'll view it as much of an improvement, as I did…))) "A Bittersweet Pain" 

Short Story based on Birds of Prey 

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. Never was. Never will be. If I had owned the rights, it would still be on the air… (grumbling)****

**Archives: **If you want it, you can have it, but ask first.****

Author's Note: This is just a short piece that I was inspired to write after watching the finale movie of Birds of Prey, during the last episode, "Devil's Eyes"…

Although I am in the process of laying the ground-works for a chapter series picking up after the finale, that will be about all three women, but primarily focused on Dinah; I am, and always will be a Helen/Reese shipper, and that is where the idea for this short piece came from. Especially after seeing the scene that this short story is based on. I think it was a bittersweet moment that really defined the relationship that Helena and Reese had developed with each other.

Hope you enjoy, and please, PLEASE review…

Welcome To My World… And Watch Your Step… 

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Summary: Extended scene from the finale, Ep. "Devil's Eyes", between Reese and Helena, after he followed her to the Bar, and confronted her on what she was doing to herself over Wade's death… 

Warning: This story contains spoilers for the Series Finale… 

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Helena had known he would come. That he would follow her. As much as she would have preferred otherwise, over the last few months, Reese had become quite skilled at reading her. Knowing her as well as Barbara did. Maybe more.

From the moment he had walked down the steps and into the bar, where she was currently doing her best to drink herself into a stupor so she would be able to forget everything that had happened, his words had been sharp in their penetration. Cutting her to the quick. Seeking out the Helen he knew her to be, and striving to tear down the walls of defense that she had built so well around her heart.

And the scary thing was, the steady realization was slowly beginning to dawn on her that he really was the only one who held that kind power over her.

She didn't want that. She didn't want to feel. Didn't want to remember. Not her mother, not Clayface, not Harley, not Wade… and sure as hell not her father. All of her memories associated with those people were painful. And most of them had been such, because of her. Because she hadn't been strong enough. Fast enough. Because she hadn't seen it coming... Hadn't stopped it.

But Reese was forcing her to feel, where she only wanted to be numb. And the ache in her heart was only becoming worse with every word he spoke to her. Every time he faced her off. Following her when she would try to walk away. Brushing off her attempts to block his words out. Refusing to abandon her to her demons. Searching for a crack. That one flaw in her hard exterior that would provide him entry into her severely battered soul.

****

**_This is about you…_**

****

She slammed her glass down on the bar, the alcohol sloshing out and over the rim, brown droplets hitting the side of her clenched fist. Desperately trying to block out the sound of Reese's words ringing true from within her head.

"Helena, look at me."

She refused. Silently begging him to just leave her the hell alone. Yet knowing he wouldn't. It wasn't in him to do so. Wasn't in his nature.

"Hey, **_look _**at me."

She felt the tips of his fingers gently grasp her chin and turn her face towards him. He was so close. And she could plainly see the emotions glimmering there in those black eyes. Eyes that had become so very precious to her over the last few months.

"What are you so afraid of?"

Helena let out a choked humorless sound that barely passed as a chuckle. Eyes clear and bright as she looked back at him with the raw, unshielded pain reflecting there. Showing him just the slightest portion of what she was feeling inside.

"You don't get it, Reese. It's not **_worth_** it. Wade is dead! And before all this is over, any one of us could be…" she broke off, images of the tears and grief that she had seen reflected on her mentor's face flashing in her mind. A sight that she had never seen gracing someone that she cared for, but had felt the pain of it personally. An image that made Helena want to scream out in hatred and denial at herself for what she had done. Trusting Harley Quinn, falling into her trap, and leading her right to Wade. She wanted to rip her own heart out for the pain she was responsible for causing Barbara. Wanted to punish herself for yet another death that was on her head. Wanted to slip away deep within her cold mind and never, **_ever _**come back out again.

"Or worse." She slowly finished. Remembering how she had felt when she had realized that she had almost killed Dinah, Barbara… and Reese, when she had been under Harley's hypnosis. 

What would happen if Harley got her hands on Reese? Helena couldn't lose another person in her life. Especially now, after she had finally let him in. Letting him see her. Revealed herself to him. Had let him crawl down so deep inside her soul, that she could never drag him out.

Looking back at Reese with a haunted gaze, she confessed her greatest fear. "I don't want that to be you."

He was way too close to her right now. She couldn't continue to look at him, and pretend she didn't care. She cared for him more than she had ever thought it was possible for her to be capable of. She had to get away from him. She had to push him away. **_He was too damn close._**

Stepping past and keeping her back turned to him, she missed the sudden dawning realization in Reese's eyes, as he suddenly comprehended what it was she was so afraid of losing. So afraid that the pain she had felt when she had lost the one person closest to her in the entire world had died in her arms when she was still very much a child, would be experienced yet again if that body she would hold would turn out to be him.

Closing his eyes briefly, he turned around to watch her retreating back. Watching her stop. Seeing the fraying tension in the lines of her back. Sleek muscles rippling under the skin on her shoulders with an almost feline elegance.

He could feel her pulling away, and he knew he couldn't let that happen. Couldn't give her the chance to escape. Not now. Not ever. New Gotham needed her. Her friends needed her…

And so did he. She had become far more important to him than he would have ever thought anyone could. His life had changed that first night he had met her. Seeing her standing underneath that strung-up corpse. Seeing for the first time the way she had moved. The way she had dove off that balcony. Accomplishing a feat that no mere mortal was capable of, and purposely reveling in his shock.

_Why don't you carry any weapons?_

_I **am** the weapon._

He had known then that things were never going to be the same. But he hadn't predicted this. Never this. Never her.

But, on the same token, as he had learned over the last few months spent with her, that when it came right down to it… to **_hell_** with normal. To hell with logic and facts. He had reached a point where he was willing to throw all that out the window, so he could fight permanently at her side in the chaotic meta-human world that she had revealed to him. A world that was a part of her legacy. Her destiny…

A world that was a part of her. 

He wouldn't change a thing if it meant not having had the moments he had experienced with her since they'd met... He would change nothing if it meant not having fallen in love with her.

And that was what he had to show her now. 

Eyes glittering darkly with determination, he grasped up her abandoned bottle and followed her. Stepping up close behind her. Crowding her in with his body heat. Denying her any personal space, so there would be no mistake about her realizing that this was very much personal.

"If this wasn't worth it… If my life didn't matter to you, if yours didn't matter to me, then I would help you finish this bottle." he held it up as in example, before placing it back down on the bar. "But damn it, Helena, it **_does_** matter."

Helena shook her head in denial, as she titled her suddenly glittering gaze to the ceiling. Trying to ignore the truth to his words, as the pain in her heart grew. Causing her eyes to burn harshly. He didn't understand. If he stayed with her, then there was no guarantee that his body wouldn't be the next discovered. Dead and broken. All because of her. All because some psycho had discovered she finally had a new weakness, and it was one that wore his face. All because she hadn't gotten to him in time. All because she hadn't protected him…

All because she had fallen in love with him.

But Reese wasn't done. He now knew where this was coming from, and he knew how to get her to understand. She **_had _**to understand. He couldn't lose her, but most importantly, he couldn't let her lose **_herself_**.

"Okay, it hurts." he admitted. His voice dropping an octave to where it rasped hoarsely against his throat like coarse velvet. Believing with every beat of his heart the words he was now speaking so intimately to her. "It hurts like hell. But that's how you know it's **_worth_** it."

Helena almost gasped at the way her heart throbbed painfully in her chest at those words. Words that finally sent every wall she had crumbling harshly to the ground. But that is what he did to her. Removed all barriers remorselessly. Saw right through her as if she was made of nothing more than glass.

She felt the heat of his palms skimming across the line of her shoulders, long before they came to rest there. His slightly calloused thumbs tenderly rubbing her skin. Sending a shiver down her spine, weakening the tension in her muscles, while at the same time it caused her eyes to burn even more fiercely. Closing them, she let out a defenseless breath.

But when she let him turn her towards him, her eyes were clear, if extremely bright. Hiding none of her doubts from him, as she openly searched his gaze.

"What if it hurts too much?" she asked him. Feeling as if she was about to shatter into a million pieces. 

Reese's features softened, even as those black eyes glittered with something new. Something that caused the breath in her throat to catch. 

Reaching up to stroke his knuckles gently down the petal soft expanse of her cheek, he gently cupped it. Leaning in to press his lips to hers. Tongue slowly slipping in and out as she parted the way for him. Rasping against her own, as he kissed her achingly.

And she broke.

Pulling away momentarily long enough for him to see the answering need in her eyes, they both moved back into one another. Kiss growing more passionate as her fingers reached up to wrap around the back of his neck. Giving as much as she received, despite the tears that were caught in the dark crescents of her lashes.

Catching sight of them, Reese slowly pulled his lips away from hers, their unique tastes melding into each of their mouths, as he pressed those lips of his to each of her closed lids. Catching and removing the traces of those lingering drops. Helena scrapped her lip with her teeth shakily. Pulse humming in her throat with the heady combination of desire, love, fear, and bittersweet agony.

How had she ever lowered her defenses with him? How had he ever managed to get so far under her skin, that she was no longer sometimes which part was him, and which part was her?

Maybe she was fooling herself. Look what had happened to her parents. Look what had happened to Barbara. But right now, she knew if she pushed him away, she would condemn the only salvation she had been offered in a long time.

She knew she was damned if did. But felt equally damned if she didn't.

But right now, she couldn't find it in herself to care about the cost for one more minute. She had had to do that for far too long.

Pulling those lips back down to her, she kissed him deeply, wrapping her arms tightly around the back of his neck. pressing herself in closer to him, seeking the incredible feel of his body against hers, as she tasted the bitter saltiness of her tears, and the sweetness of his mouth.

Recognizing the desperate need for her to be close to him, Reese obliged. Fingers tangling in that interesting dark silken mass of hair crowning her head. Feeling the texture of the strands sliding against his skin as he bunched them up into his gentle fists.

They stayed that way for a moment. Even after their mouths had parted. Her nails clenched reflexively into the leather of his jacket spreading across the back of his shoulders, as she kept her face buried in the nook of his neck. Inhaling the slightly spicy musk that was his unique smell. Thicker now with the mark of his desire. 

She didn't want to let him go. Didn't want to leave this place, this moment. Didn't want to go back out into that chaotic night, and do what must be done. What she had to do.

But at the same time, she knew she had no choice. She couldn't pretend as if the last few minutes hadn't happened. As if Reese meant nothing to her. As if Barbara and Dinah and her duty to them and to this city _didn't **matter**_.

Because if she believed that, then what she had felt when Reese had kissed her hadn't been real. Hadn't been **_worth it_**.

And right now, that was the only thing that was keeping her going.

"I don't want to lose you." Helena stated simply, slowly pulling away to look him honestly in the eye.

Reese shook his head gently. Leaning his forehead carefully against hers and the corners of his lips curving up sadly.

"Helena, there is no way of telling what will happen tonight, tomorrow, or even ten years from now. My line of work has me constantly putting my life on the line, just like yours does. **_Anything _**can happen. But we do what we do, because it is our calling. Our right. We do it, because to turn away from what is in our_selves_ and those people out there, would be to turn our backs on each other."

_We do it, because it is who we **are**… _

Helena blinked her eyes against the memory of those words spoken to her by Barbara more than once. 

"When my mother died," Helena began slowly. "I lost everything. And for the first time since then, I realize that I now have, yet again, so much to lose." she closed her eyes painfully. "And that hurts. It hurts a lot."

Reese nodded slowly. Knowing exactly how she felt. "That's why we need to hold on to what we have with everything we've got. That's why we have to fight for it, to keep what is ours. It is what your mother would have wanted. It is what you father would have done. And although I didn't know Wade, I do know that he loved Barbara, and what she stood for… that large part of her that **_is_** Oracle. So I **_know_** that it is what he would have stood for too. He wouldn't want Harley to win, and his death to mean nothing."

"It never ends." she pointed out. "There's always another criminal mastermind trying to take over New Gotham. Always another case to follow. Always another dead body to discover. Always another criminal to hunt."

Reese shrugged. Lips twisting sardonically. "And there will always be another night-time vigilante or cop to bring them to justice."

Helena nodded. No longer wanting to fight the inevitable. She looked up into his face, as she squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. Reading his approval, and feeling the familiar fire returning to her blue eyes, causing them to burn brilliantly with the part of her that **_was_** and always would be, the Huntress. 

"Then let's do it."

Reese smiled. Relief paramount in his mind as he saw the woman he knew returning. Knowing she had never really left.

Releasing his arms from around her, she reluctantly let go of her death grip. Still remaining close to the comfort of the warmth of his skin.

Turning in unison to walk back up the stairs and into the night, they quickly made their way back. Helena's mind already working in over-drive as a plan to take back the Clock Tower came to life. They may have lost a lot, but still more stood to be taken from them, if they didn't make a stand. If she didn't **_believe._**

They exited Helena's workplace, and reentered Huntress' domain. Night stars glittering brightly overhead in the black velvet sky, despite the violent chaos filling the city streets. Two warriors, brought together by destiny. Two lives twining together as one, as they prepared to take back their city, and force the darkness into hiding where it belonged.

And they would do it as many times as they had to…

They would do it, because it was who they were.

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Okay… thanks for taking the time to read this, and I hope you have enjoyed my first venture into the BoP fan-fiction genre… I assure you, it won't be the last!

Please take the time to review, and let me know what your thoughts are… And if you enjoyed my writing, be sure to check out my other works listed on my bio page here at ff.net…

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	2. Brief Notice

Note: Okay, this is just a note that I'm posting so that people will realize that, although this story did very well when it was originally posted here at ff.net, I wasn't quite as pleased with the final result as I usually am with my other works, and I felt that I could do better… So I've taken the story back, and basically just 're-polished' it, till I was pretty happy with the results this time. I hope you will be as well…

My thanks to all the fans that reviewed, and the more than a 1,000 that didn't but still took the time to read (and hopefully enjoy) it… Damn, I had no idea how popular the BoP genre was till I took a look at my Story statistics and saw the hit count. :p

I will be doing several other BoP stories that I've had rolling around in my brain since the finale… Three to be precise, one focused on each of the girls. It was originally going to be all one big series, But I figured I would be able to do them all far more justice this way.

Hopefully I'll be getting some of them posted here at ff.net soon… Keep your fingers crossed! ;-) Till then, take care!! And enjoy my slight revision of Bittersweet Pain!

XOXO,

Sapphira


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